


Silence My Demons

by RockNRollGospels214



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Love, Reader-Insert, bucky comforts reader, bucky is a lovely little plum that needs to be protected at all costs, reader related to T'Challa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 23:10:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7660771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockNRollGospels214/pseuds/RockNRollGospels214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader is T'Challa's niece and is living with Team Cap in Wakanda after the Civil War. AU ending where Bucky didn't go back into the freezer and already has a new and improved metal arm. Bucky finds the reader crying and comforts. Hair braiding and lots of fluff!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence My Demons

You've never had much time to think about being in a relationship, let alone really develop feelings for someone. After your home town was destroyed by a terrorist attack when you were 12, you were sent to live with your grandfather in Wakanda. Your mother always used to tell you stories when you were a child about how he was a king of the most beautiful and plentiful lands in the entire world. When you settled in, her stories didn't do the place any justice. You soon became close with your uncle, Prince T'Challa. Considering there weren't any other teens or children around, he quickly took you under his wing and helped you overcome the loss of your parents. 

Years passed, and that's when things seemed to turn upside down. Your grandfather was killed, and your uncle T'Challa was gone for quite some time. When you heard of the news of a "blank panther" taking sides with the avengers, you knew that your uncle had gotten himself into some deep ties. The Avengers, Earth's Mightiest Heroes. There was no going back to normal after that. 

Within the blink of an eye, your uncle returned. But he wasn't alone. He brought his new friends with him, who just happened to be some of the avengers. You had to help T'Challa patch them up from battle, due to the lack of nurses. With only T'Challa and yourself occupying the place now, there wasn't hardly any staff anymore. But you were fine, T'Challa had taught you every aspect of combat and defense there was to be told, including nursing the aftermath. 

The two that had taken the most damage were Captain America and his friend, who used to be known as the Winter Soldier. The other team members were under the care of the two actual nurses in Wakanda. 

Steve Rogers was a gentleman, kind and genuine to you. He was very thankful for your care, and you noticed a blush tint his cheeks when he had to remove his shirt so you could stitch a few deep wounds on his abdomen. You noted that he was shy around women. His smile was unique and contagious, and he made you feel safe just by sitting in the same room as him. And what amazed you the most, was through all of his cringing pain, he was still smiling and making sure that you were okay. 

Steve Roger's best friend, Bucky Barnes, was a bit more stubborn. He wasn't rude in any way, just a bit hard to work with when it came to pouring cleanser on the gashes that littered his skin. You tried your best not to stare at his left arm, or what was left of it anyways. The scars on his skin were almost mesmerizing where the metal seemed to fade into flesh. You could tell he was uncomfortable with the scars. He tensed up whenever your eyes glanced over at them. You also noticed that he would stare off into space occasionally, his blue eyes lost and his face bare. 

Months passed and you bonded with each new team member rather quickly. You became closest with Bucky, closest meaning you developed feelings for the brunette and he enjoyed your company. You weren't sure if he reciprocated the feelings, he was hard to read. 

One day, the weight of the entire world seemed to be on your shoulders. From the moment you woke up, you felt the storm brewing inside your head. 

Over the past years you've lived at Wakanda, you soon discovered that spending too much time in silence was the most violent past time you could participate in. Your mind was a scary place, especially after you lost your parents. Your emotions scared you. You were terrified of the demons swimming around in your skull. 

So whenever you felt them knocking on the door, pounding more or less, you had to distract yourself. 

And the best distraction you had come up with was pounding on the punching bag until you couldn't lift your arms to throw another punch. 

In a nutshell, this day was one of those days. After getting out of bed, you put on your workout clothes and headed straight for the gym. 

*** 

Your arms burned. The sweat poured from your skin. Your abdomen twisted in a fiery pain, lungs struggling for air. But you kept on throwing the punches, kicks, hits of just about any form to get the memories out of your head. For some reason, today of all days, they just wouldn't go away. 

The memory of the last time you saw your parents before you lost them, the screams of terror as you fled from your hometown into the jungle to hide, the endless nights of sobbing that racked your body for hours, the raw pain you had coped with for year after year. 

You tried your hardest to think about Bucky, about him holding you in his arms and telling you everything was going to be okay, but you couldn't even bring yourself to do that today. Voices filled your head. "He can never love you." "Why would he?" "You have nothing to offer him." 

Finally, tears replaced the beads of sweat dripping down your face. You stopped your assault on the punching bag, only to be met with your reflection in the glass. An animal stared back at you. The voices were right. He would never love you. 

You stepped back, ripping your gloves off and throwing them on the ground before fleeing from the gym completely. You needed to be somewhere no one would find you. You needed to be alone for a while. 

In your rush to wherever it was you were going, you bumped into someone. Keeping your head down, you softly apologized and continued on your way. 

Eventually you stopped in a sky room (a glass room made purposefully for gazing out at the beautiful jungle scenery) and curled up in a ball on the floor. You rested your head against your knees, burying your face into your lap, and sobbed. 

"Doll?" 

You must be dreaming. Bucky wouldn't come to check on you. He doesn't care that much. 

"Go away." You sniffled, not moving an inch. 

"Doll, it's me. What's wrong?" 

You felt his metal hand on your back as he sat down next to you. Sobs continued to rack your body. You couldn't pull yourself together. To respond to his question, you nodded a "no" in your lap. 

"No?" He chuckled softly. "I'm afraid I don't understand." 

You had to lie. You couldn't say you were upset because you had feelings for him and wasn't sure if he reciprocated them or not. He would just laugh at you for even thinking of such a thing, especially since you only knew each other for a short time. 

You lifted your head slowly, wiping some tears away. "I just...I miss my parents. My hometown. One of those days, y'know?" 

"Y/N, I'm sorry." He exhaled. "Is there anything I can do to help?" 

You couldn't help but grin. You know he was still learning to how to sympathize again, empathize even. 

"I don't think so. Thank you, Buck." 

He was silent for a moment. "This might sound a little weird, but would you like me to braid your hair?" 

"What?" You chuckled, sniffling again. 

"I don't remember much from my life before I went under, but I do remember that whenever my little sister was upset, I would always braid her hair and she would feel better. Calm her down, I guess." 

You couldn't say no to that smile, and those blue eyes. 

"Um, sure. Why not?" 

"That's my girl." He grinned. He rose, walking over to a chair. "C'mere." 

He sat in the chair, opening his legs a little so you could sit between them on the floor. 

As soon as you felt his fingers run through your hair, you knew you were done for. A few silent tears slid down your cheeks as you dead panned off into space. 

"French or Dutch?" 

"French, please." You smiled through your tears. "I had no idea you knew so much about braiding hair."

"Well, you would think I would forget things like this first. Or, these memories would've been erased much easier than the other ones." You could hear the pain in his voice. "But, I've realized that HYDRA erased everything important from my mind first. I guess they never got to the simple things. And I'm sure they didn't care if the Winter Soldier could braid hair or not." 

You couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose not." Another tear slid down your cheek. You reached up to wipes the collection of tears from your chin, and he must've noticed. 

"Are you sure you’re okay?” 

"I'm fine. I promise it's nothing." Your voice cracked as if on cue.

"It doesn't sound like it's nothing." 

You didn't answer. Then you thought about something: how he found you in the first place. "How did you find me?"

"You ran into me in the hallway, remember?"

"That was you?" You cursed yourself inwardly. 

"In the flesh." Bucky smirked. 

You both fell silent yet again. 

"I wasn't sure if I should follow you or not-" He began. 

"How did you decide? Flip a coin?" The voices in your head had taken over your tongue. 

Bucky was surprised at your words. "No. I know that you don't get upset very often, so I know that something must be pretty bad for you to be that upset." He paused. "And, I was worried. So I followed you." 

"Worried about what?" 

His ministrations on your hair ceased. "Y/N, what are you talking about?"

"What do you mean?" 

"You're acting like I hate you. Or you hate me." 

"I don't hate you, Buck. Not even close." 

"So you care about me. I care about you too. What's so wrong with that?" 

You felt something inside you snap. It all made sense now. All of the voices in your head joined into one. You knew why he couldn’t love you. "Everything's wrong with that!" You stood hastily, turning to face him. "Don't you see that everyone I ever care about gets hurt?! First it was my family, now my uncle, now my friends! Why can't you see that I'm unloveable?! A beast! A curse!" You breathed in deep. You were gonna tell him. "I'm just gonna say it- I have feelings for you, James. Metal arm and all. You're such a wonderful person, no matter what the Winter Soldier did. You deserve the world and nothing less. I just thought you should know.” You paused. “Before you never see me again.” 

"Y/N-" Bucky stood. 

"I deserve less. I am less. I should just leave before I hurt anyone else."

"No!" He grabbed your wrist as you started to walk away. 

"No? I-"

"You're not going anywhere! You could get hurt out there or even worse! What has gotten into you, Y/N? You aren't cursed! We all get hurt in this business! Everyone gets hurt in life! Saving the world or not, people get hurt. It's okay to get hurt. Pain happens for a reason. People wouldn't learn or be wise without it. So please don't sit here and take all of that out on yourself because none of it was your fault. You are not less. You are amazing, Y/N. I've liked you since the first day I met you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what." 

"Bucky-" 

"No. I don’t like you. I love you. Really, I do. I know it because I haven't felt anything for so long, that when I did feel it, I knew it right off the bat. It was that feeling I used to have when I looked after Steve, or the protective feeling over something you love. I want you to be happy, and whenever you smile it makes me weak in the knees. You laugh like an angel and everything about you just makes me so happy.”

You chuckled softly, blushing. 

"So please, just let me love you. Because I do, love you, so much.”

You collapsed into his arms, crying again, but tears of joy this time. "Am I dreaming?" 

"No. I promise." 

"I've just been so afraid, to love again. I panicked when I got feelings for you. But I couldn't hide them, or forget about them. No matter how hard I tried." You breathed, sniffling. 

"Me too.” 

You both pulled back, and gazed into each other's eyes. A cheesy grin and small laugh made its way to your face, and you couldn't help but to let it fly. He too smiled, and rested his forehead against yours. 

"Does this mean I can kiss you now?" Bucky asked, your eyes locked on each other's. 

"Yes!" You cheered heartily. Before he could even make the first move, you smashed your lips to his and flung your arms around his neck. He was surprised by your actions but reciprocated them almost immediately. His lips were soft, warm, welcoming. They were plump and full, better than you'd ever imagined really. He rested his hands on your hips rubbing his right thumb gently over the extended bone jutting out against your smooth skin. 

He pulled away, his breath hot against your lips. "That was..."

"Nice?" 

"I was gonna say amazing but, nice works too." 

He leaned in, kissing you again. 

The distraction felt amazing, but your feelings were still there. Just because Bucky had come out and said he did love you too, didn't mean mean that all of your insecurities were magically washed away. You still felt like a danger to people, a small part of your even felt like this was all a dream. You would just wake up sooner or later and it would all be over. 

But nothing happened. Bucky stayed there in your arms, your lips busy working his, and his on yours.

So it was real. That comforted you, but that didn't silence your demons forever. They were still there, waiting, lurking, ready to pounce on you the next minute you let your guard down. 

And now you were going to do everything in your power to make sure that didn't happen for quite some time.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think! Feel free to check out my other on-going Avengers series "Shadowed Past"! Thanks so much for reading :)


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